Midnight post

My dad used to always say the devil comes out at midnight.  His saying and concurrent curfew inspired me to write the poem back when I was in high school.  In many ways I think he was right. As a teenager it's a lot easier to find trouble in the middle of the night than at any other time. I could tell you stories of how I tried driving a car upside down, how we convinced a McDonalds attendant my boyfriend was a stabbing victim or convinced a Dennys manager that we'd stolen my friend from the hospital so she could get some 'decent' food.

It's also true for people with any kind of mental illness. Often going to sleep is a fearful experience for me.  I can have terrible nightmares which seem so real that even when I wake up they won't go away; knives are still flying at me; a dead man's lying in my bed; people are hunting down my family and killing them as I watch.  Going to sleep also means that you're going to have to get up in the morning and face all the terrible things you are already dreading - things like going to work, cooking meals, running laundry, cleaning the house, making sure the kids are cared for - the list can be endless and agonizing when it takes all you have just to get out of bed in the first place.

The absolute worst times for me have been in the middle of the night when I cannot sleep.  A nightmare awakens me, or I'm just restless.  In the stillness for some reason it seems harder to think reasonably.  You can hear things, see things, get strange thoughts or ideas.  To prevent problems I have a few rules that I follow.

First, go to bed at a reasonable time, not too early or too late.  When you go to bed be prepared to really relax and go to sleep.  That may mean taking a bath or exercising earlier in the day or doing a relaxation exercise in your mind (see Biofeedback).  If needed, take something to help you sleep.  That doesn't always have to be sleeping pills.  It could be something simple like Benadryl - which is commonly used as a sedative in hospitals - or Drammamene.  Take the usual dosage as instructed on the bottle. Those two will make you go to sleep, but not necessarily keep you asleep or groggy in the morning like some sleeping pills can do.

Second, have a plan in place in case you do have a problem.  I had a wise doctor tell me once to not worry about not being able to sleep, it was perfectly normal.  It's so easy to get anxious over losing sleep and that anxiety will always make everything worse.  If I'm really awake and there's nothing to be done about it, I'll start doing laundry or washing dishes just to keep myself busy and feeling useful.  Usually, though, I'll watch TV.  My rule is that I can't get 'hooked' into watching some lengthy movie that's going to keep me up.  I have to find something simple like a talk show or sitcom rerun, even an infomercial so that as soon as I feel tired I can turn it off.  Keeping the TV on helps you keep a grasp on reality that you might not otherwise have.

Finally, be prepared to get help.  That means get help in the middle of the night by waking someone up who can be with you until you're sensible.  Calling a suicide line even works on that front.  Open any phone book, search any search engine and you can find a crisis line to call - just call - don't hesitate to ask for help.  It also means asking your doctor for help.  Don't blow it off the next day telling yourself it was a fluke.  If you were up the night before thinking I've got to do something about this, do something about it!

Okay.  That's enough of a lecture.  Don't forget - the devil comes out at midnight :)