The Beast

I am really anxious right now. You should see me bouncing up and down on the couch, unable to stay still, wondering half the time what is wrong with me. Half the time? You repeat to yourself . . . Yes. Well. I know the reason why I’m going bonkers. There’s this really great app I have on my iphone that helps me keep track of my, ahem, female hormonal cycle. The Beast is on the brink, very much on the brink, clearly explaining why I am having issues.

For me, hormones are at the very root of my mental problems. It is the sudden hormonal changes which occur after the birth of a child which drive me into postpartum psychosis. As I’m growing older, advancing toward the great change, my hormones are back to causing me all kinds of increasingly devilish trouble. And, of course, the most reliably worst time of the month is here, right now upon me.

The funny thing is, as I mentioned, half the time I’m still wondering what is wrong with me. You’d think I’d know for a fact - oh yeah, it’s that same monthly friend of mine ready for it’s next visit. For some silly reason, though, somehow between the simple actions of the day, I forget why I’m feeling so messed up. Suddenly, as I’m sitting on the couch watching the Olympics, wrenching my hands over watching some random curling match of all things, I realize, oh, this emotional response doesn’t make sense! Tomorrow’s the big day! You’re not nuts. You’re just HORMONAL.

Confidentially, I think a lot of people would save themselves a lot of stress if they just kept in mind that a little madness once a month is actually rather normal. I say this to include men just as much as women since this sudden emotional surge often baffles men far more than it baffles we women who actually are the ones who are raving.

That said, I feel much better. I am still very agitated. I’ve been making concessions for myself all day. Now that I know there’s a bonafide issue at hand I have the comfort of also knowing those concessions were justified. I guess I can go back to being a vegetable and watch some more TV.